Fairly Odd Parents Porn Story: Timmy Turner and Hootch – Chapter 2
The Fairly Oddparents in “Timmy Turner and Hootch”
Chapter 2: Great Taste… Less Filling!
Note: I DEFINATELY do not own Fairly Oddparents… I hope my girlfriend never reads this story due to it’s content.
This fanfic was inspired by something I saw online that I just realized, I guess the fairies need to check up in “Da Rules” throughly or else this would happen…
Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this chapter in no way endorses underage drinking.
-Technomaru-
Despite what the Thriller warning parody says, I am against underage drinking and this is not meant to be taken seriously until the final chapter.
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(The next morning)
Timmy wakes up and is surrounded by piles empty cans of beer. Wanda and Poof are in fish form in their tank while Cosmo is fish form is sleeping in a cup of hairy navel highball.
Mrs. Turner comes into Timmy’s room in a blindfold and wakes Timmy up saying, “Hi honey, I just got back from experimental unnessessary lazer surgery now get to school right now!”
Timmy wakes up with a hangover as he slowly gets ready for school. Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appear as buttons on Timmy’s “silly pink hat” and Wanda then says, “Oh dear, How are you going to get out of this hangover before school starts?” Timmy then says, “If there is one thing I know about Dean Martin is that if he ever had a hangover he’d… get drunk all over again!” And the theme to “Popeye” plays as Timmy opens a can of Shotz Beer and drinks it and makes a loud belch.
While Mrs. Turner drives Timmy to school… blindfolded, Mr. Turner wakes up and picks up the bottle of Budweiser that Timmy did his “business” in chapter 1. He drinks it and spits it out, saying, “Now I know how the state trooper felt in “Dumb and Dumber” Man this headache is killing me!” And then the theme to “Popeye” plays as Mr. Turner opens a can of Girlie Girl Beer and drinks it, then he sits on a sofa with one hand stuck under the waistband of his pants.
Then Mr. Dinkleberg looks at Mr. Turner through the window and says, “Hiya neighbor!” Mr. Turner then says in a sullen voice, “DINKLEBERG!” Then he smashes the beer bottle into the shape of a makeshift knife and goes to the Dinkleberg house for reasons left to the reader’s imagination.
On the way to school, Mrs. Turner then drives like Matt Murdock in that one scene in the R-rated version of “Daredevil” While she and Timmy sing together:
“99 bottles of beer on the wall,
99 bottles of beer,
You take one down, pass it around
98 bottles of beer on the wall!
98 bottle of beer on the wall,
98 bottles of beer,
YOU KICK THE WALL, WATCH IT ALL FALL,
NO MORE BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!”
(Well a good joke is worth repeating, am I right fans?)
At school Timmy is staggering around the school until he enters “Sex Education” by accident. The teacher of the school sees Timmy and asks, “Excuse me young man but aren’t you a bit too young to be in this class, also do you even have a permission slip?” Timmy then slurs, “Permission slip sh-ermission sh-lip… let’s see some boobies! BUUURRRP!” The teacher then drags Timmy out of class and says, “Now go see Principal Waxelplax young man!” And with that Timmy just smiles and says, “Okie Dokie!” and staggers into Crocker’s class… which turned out that Recess just started.
The other kids are a bit confused by Timmy’s actions such as doing a conga-line… by himself, as well as going around asking other kids to pull his finger. Francis Parker the school bully goes up to him and says to him as he intends to beat him up, “Hey Turner… can I join the conga-line?” Timmy replies, “I dunno, can you? HA HA HA BUURRP!” Francis then (for the very first time) laughs extremely hard and says to Timmy, “You’re alright Turner, you’re pretty funny! Can you say something funny again?” Timmy then walks around in a circle and slurs, “Crock-pot’s mother is so old that she knew Burger King when he was still a prince!”
As Timmy, Francis and the other kids laugh extremely loud, Mr. Crocker in his fairy-hunting gear then thinks to himself, Hmmm… young Turner appears to be intoxicated and insulting my mother, but how can he get his grubby mits on alcohol? That can mean only one thing… (gasps) … He must have paid a homeless man to buy him some liquor!
Crocker then looks at the readers and asks, “Well what do you expect me to say? (spasms) FAIRY GODPARENTS? Oh great I spasmed myself into a wedgie!”
Then Trixie Trang goes up to Timmy and says, “Oh I love vulgar humor, I so want to be your girlfriend!” Timmy then burps at Trixie’s face and says, “Screw you “Bitchy Mcpepsquad”! Your ego is as big as your badunkadunk! So make like a tree… and get out of here!”
Trixie then turns red… then purple in the face and says, “Fine! Then that means I’m going to be the girlfriend of that bracefaced kid other there!” Then she hugs Chester Mcbadbat and then his hives develop as he squeals, “Oh no… I’m allergic to girls!” Timmy then drinks from a flask and says, “What’s da matter… ya gay or something? HA HA HA BUUURRRPPP!”
(The Author has no control over what Timmy Turner says, Timmy’s just horribly horribly horribly drunk so please don’t take anything he says seriously… although the “budunkadunk” line was pretty hilarous! Umm I mean yeah… he’s just drunk!)
A.J. then observes Timmy’s strange behavior and thinks to himself, “Oh no… Timmy apparently found beer, I feared for this day to happen… however since everyone in dimmsdale is a dimwit… except for me I guess they won’t notice a thing. Then A.J. hears a voice telling him, “I know he’s drunk… But I just don’t care!” Then A.J. hears another voice says to him, “I don’t know what’s worse… harpoons or seeing that kid drunk as a skunk?” Then it turns out to be Molly and Irving. A.J. asks them, “Ummm do I know you?” Molly replies, “Nope, we’re just here in a cameo role to suprise die hard fans of the series.” A.J. is just confused and gives up, thinking there is no way to stop Timmy from his drunkeness.
Sanjay then goes up to Timmy and asks him, “I see the “funny juice” made you funny, can I have a taste?” Timmy then passes a flask to Sanjay and he drinks it and then Timmy says to Sanjay, “How about we do some loud singing? Any idea for a song?” Sanjay then suggests, “How about we sing “Yogi Bear” that’s a great song when you feel “funny”
(Sung to the tune of “Camptown Races”)
“I know someone you dont know, Yogi, Yogi,
I know someone you dont know, Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Yogi, Yogi Bear. Yogi, Yogi Bear.
I know someone you dont know, Yogi, Yogi Bear..
Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo.
Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo Bear.
Booboo, Booboo Bear. Booboo, Booboo Bear
Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo.
(The rest of that beer song is vulgar and I am not going to risk the “T” rating!)
While Sanjay is singing loudly, he accidentally drops his flask and Elmer then sees the flask and says to his boil, “Oh look Bob, looks like we’re getting a free juicebox!” Elmer then drinks it and then he feels weird and his boil “bob” explodes. Elmer then thinks to himself, “Good… now that he’s gone I’m my own person… now he won’t be around to tell me to start fires anymore! Then Elmer skips away happily.
Timmy then staggers away from the other kids and then he sees Tootie playing with a doll that looks like herself and a Crimson Chin toy with a silly pink hat on him. Timmy then hugs Tootie and says to her, “Oh baby I love you… will you be my girlfriend?” Tootie is just shocked and turns around and asks Timmy, “ARE…YOU…SERIOUS? OH TIMMY! I THOUGHT I’D NEVER HEAR THOSE WORDS FROM YOU! NOW I’M JUST A STEP CLOSER TO HEAVEN… I mean being with my sister is heck enough but still… OH TIMMY!”
Timmy then says, “Gives us a kiss then my sweet treat!” Tootie then kisses him then notices something, Tootie then smells something horrible and looks at Timmy who appears to be drunk allover again and she says, “Phew Timmy… you smell like someone who threw up and ate the throw up and throwed up again… oooohhh now I get it… now tell me how did you get liquor?” Timmy then hiccuped and says, “The internet? BURP!” Tootie then says, “I know what to do in order to get you to like me more… Hey what am I doing? I’m only 10 years old… I can’t get beer from the internet and you can’t drink either Tim…my?”
Timmy then falls unconcious to the ground.
Then Tootie is rolling Timmy to his house and she says, “Good thing the principal decided to have me volunteer to send you home, I feel bad about lying to her that you got sick but if you stay drunk then you would like me but then again it makes me feel horrible… my head hurts!”
Tootie then places the knocked out Timmy in his lawn and Tootie kisses his forehead as she walks home and wonders if she should get Timmy more beer since he likes her while drunk or should she NOT use it to her advantage.
Wanda then says to Timmy, Well congradulations Timmy… you succeeded in making a total jackass out of yourself in school! See what beer can do to your thinking?” Timmy then slurs, “Shut up Wanda! I got a killer headache and I think I might need another can of bee…” Then as Timmy goes back to sleep Cosmo laughs histerically, “HA HA HA HA… Budunkadunk… HA HA HA HA!” Wanda then frowns apon their actions.
(A hour later)
Mrs. Turner then she bumps into Timmy by accident and tells him as she adjusts her blindfold, “Honey I got to take your father to rehab (whispers) he apparently found some hootch (normal voice) So anyway while I drive him to rehab you will be babysat by Vicky so get ready for tonight!”
As Mrs. Turner drives away and crashes into the Dinkleberg’s house… and Mr. Turner pulling out another broken beer bottle. Timmy gets a idea and exposes a toothy grin. Wanda then says, “Umm Timmy… what are you up to?” A now sober Cosmo then asks, “Yeah Timmy, Normally when you hear about Vicky coming over to the house you make puddles on the floor… what’s up?” Timmy then drinks a bottle of “Pan galactic gargle blaster” then sparks up a idea and tells Cosmo and Wanda, “Guys… I think I’m going to do to Vicky what I should’ve done a loooonnng time ago! And it’s going to be funny!”
Wanda asks, “Is it going to be “funny haha” or “funny uh oh”?’ Then Timmy takes another sip of that intergalactic ale and says, “It’s more like “funny I peed my pants funny” Wanda then panics and Poof giggles and Cosmo then says, “Speaking of “funny I peed my pants funny”… I just went!”
TO BE CONTINUED!